Where do I begin? I can’t start with the expected; I’m a sexually frustrated, married, mother of four, thirty-year-old woman, and need erotica to keep me satisfied. These may be reasons as to why my sex life is not as fulfilling as it once was (when there were fewer kids around) But, yes, I guess the frustration which builds up, may have resulted in me first-ever writing an erotic scene or purchasing that erotic novel.
I remember when I was younger, I found a Black Lace book in my mum’s draw. I was both horrified yet intrigued. I eventually read it when I came off age and understanding, and I remember how it made me feel, still to this day—those intense feelings which arise within your chest and the warmth between your legs. Causing your arousal to spike is what it’s all about, but is it? I could compare my relationship or experiences to anything I have read, written, or watched, and in reality, love and sex are never comparable. Films and novels are all based on the ideas created by others, just like mine, they are a pure fantasy of how we envision romance and sex to be. Those who do get to experience are the fortunate ones, but how many Elizabeth Bennets and Darcys or Anna Steeles and Christian Greys do you know? The connections between two strangers miraculously meeting destined to be together, the intensity of feeling protected by someone, experiencing passionate sex all day every day. All these things sound like X-rated fairy tale concepts, which they are, and they are why I enjoy writing erotic romances.
Throughout my writing journey so far, I have found the best thing about writing erotica to be, not only the sex scenes, these do play the most significant part. Still, it’s the personal connection, the tension, and the intimate ways you get to know a character in which hypnotises you into finishing that book and buying the next one. If you are just in it for the simple, he walks into a room and rips her clothes off and fucks her on the desk, then your better off watching porn. Porn is divorced from any of these concepts; it is a simple video or image which can be degrading, objectifies woman, and lacks romance, flirting, or backstories.
Erotic literature is intense, artistic, and beautiful. The mind embraces sexuality, and this is the way most women and men prefer it. Reading erotica gives you the ability to create the image in your head. You can decide what they look like, smell like, taste like and sound like, you can choose everything, it’s your fantasy, and it is arousing as hell when you are captivated by it, even more so when your write it. The more details, explicit physical descriptions, and intense feelings, the better, the more you have to work with the more engrossed and turned on you will become by it.
What is good about erotica? It is super easy to read and relatable.
- The sex – Every reader is eager to get to this part; this is the big focus point.
- Curiosity – As humans, we are curious, and even though we know an erotic story will have its typical plotline, we always want to know how it ends up and learn something new from the author.
- Straightforward plot – The plot is simple and understandable.
- Good writing – The chapters all lead to one another; you can’t put it down, and you’re suddenly on the last page.
- Discrete – Unlike porn, you can read erotic literature anywhere and increase that forbidden knowledge.
The fun part – Research.
Who can put their hands up and say they have never purchased or read the Karma Sutra? Or bought and used sex toys, outfits, and games? Well, I can openly admit I have a draw full, all which I probably purchased when I was eighteen, minus a few recent. It hasn’t been until now I have opened the Karma Sutra and used it not just for the pictures, I have read it front to back, numerous time, all for research for writing sex scenes, plus plenty of other books. Obviously, it’s all based on research, down from my own sex life, novels, short stories, and blogs, to soft and hardcore porn. I come across the most inappropriate articles, videos, and images to get what I’m looking for, but I need to know the answers to be able to describe the scene entirely. How far do other authors go? What does it feel like for a male? What does a woman sound like who is about to climax? It helps if you see the movements, experience the feeling, notice the responses and hear the narratives before you can write the perfect scene to effect readers with your alluring words, ensuring you can captivate them entirely. You have to make it as real as possible and appealing to the reader as they are reading it for a reason. Reading And writing erotica reminds you of how fun sex can be.
Why read it? There are genuine benefits to enjoying streamy stories.
According to 2015 Nielsen, romance books are 85% read by women. Though they are not entirely written just for them, so why do they choose to read this genre? Where men prefer to watch it, images and videos provoke women to feel stressed, confused, and give them the temptation to compare their bodies to the bodies of the actors on screen; this is why they read it. It is much more satisfying when in context, it is a low-stress, high trust, high affection, and explicitly erotic way to enjoy it and is much less stressful.
Did you know?
When reading steamy books that cause arousal, it can help shift stress or anxiety into a positive emotion; instead of feeling scared and overwhelmed, you become to feel excited? The similar physical responses occurring within your body, for example, an increased heart rate, becomes a positive thing. Though it’s not a cure to anxiety, it’s worth a try and can also help you think about your sex life in a positive way. – “Open a book, and grow your mind.”
Erotic was my obvious choice of genre.
It doesn’t always mean I am horny, and it doesn’t always come from inspiration—the matter of the fact is, I enjoy writing, and it’s my most liked, read and explored genre, so it ticks all the boxes.
Erotica was my first and best option. It is an exciting topic that is thoroughly enjoyable, widely watched, written, and read and acted out. You can try new things, experience new feelings, or enjoy what you’re used too. The Erotic genre is your oyster, from BDSM, Virgins, Erotic Romance, Gay, Lesbian, Paranormal, Western; you name it; it is most likely a sub-genre. It has an enormous audience and a vast potential market, though this may be great, it also means there are many competitors, and I still have my work cut out.
Is it easy? Of course, it isn’t. I have read some terrible erotic romance stories over the years, Those which lack the sexual content, the burning tension, or a decent storyline. Saying that I am also not the world’s best writer, I am far from it; I am a newbie and learning as I go along. I thought, hey, what can I lose choosing this genre? I don’t need to be a master at is to achieve what I want. I enjoy it, and that’s what matters and heck if I make even a tiny bit of money from it, then that’s a bonus. If I’m lucky it will also better my sex life, there is no point in writing down your fantasies just for your characters to experience them, right? Do I want to experience what I have written? Yes, I do!
Of course, my writing comes from my experiences. But the majority of it comes from imagination. This opens the door to becoming a better lover as your willingness to experience increases, which then makes you a better writer.
At first, it was the sex scenes I enjoyed writing the most; my first novel has a lot more sex in than my most recent book. Instead, I have found myself shifting from the sex, and placing more focus into the emotions. I recently fell for a character I created. I cried with him, laughed with him, and fucked with him. Becoming absorbed into a character or a story is an emotional roller coaster with the benefits of making you horny as hell. Any author can back me up here, I’m sure. Now I have a more personal connection with my characters; I like to make sure my scenes are captivating and hook the reader; it isn’t just about the mechanics and the dirty words. It’s the connection, the tension and emotions, and the journey. It’s the words which make me feel intense, the times you need to prepare yourself for the unpredicted sex, the drama which occurs, and the moments of which you reach euphoria and fall in love. I want to experience it all with my characters, and it leaves me with a burning desire to continue to write and create the next compelling story.
Yes, I have a high sex drive, and I’m sure plenty of us do, but others don’t.
On a day to day basis, I find myself reading, writing, and watching sex scenes to satisfy my needs. I may be into things that others are not as evidently everyone likes different things. I’m a massive lover of vampire diaries, the sexy vampires always win me over, and once you have experienced a sex scene with Damon Salvatore, then there is no going back. Thank god for playback on Netflix. For a more intense or romantic inspiration, I’ll head over to the usual fifty shades of grey for a tense Christian Grey, After, for a passionate Hardin Scott, The Kissing booth for a romantic Noah Flynn or the typical Bronte sister books or Sylvia day. These books and films may not be massively erotic. Still, it’s the connection and emotions I want to feel. I would love a Christian grey in my life sexually, a Noah Flynn romantically, a Hardin Scott intensely, and Damon Salvatore to tease me and love me with the gorgeous voice and eyes of Chris Hemsworth. This is the perfect mash up of personalities who would happily fulfil my fantasies.
Would you pick? What would he or she look like? The choice is entirely yours.
I dream about sex, and sometimes the scenes are so vivid they then become a scene in my books. Sex and romance are consuming my life, which I must say are highly frustrating. Still, in the end, I write a story and put that tension into my plot, and then let the characters experience it for me, I enjoy choosing how deep they fall for one another and how they become bound to each other.
Of course, I want the real thing, all the time, admittedly, but this is the next best option. I enjoy writing to put myself into my story, I become engrossed in the fantasy, and I want my readers to feel the same.
Steamy Romance Recommendations
Bared to You – Sylvia Day – Erotic New Adult Romance
Mastering Her Senses – Laura huge – BDSM
Going Down Easy- Carly Phillips – Contemporary Romance
Hate To Want You – Alishia Rai – Adult Romance
Mastered By Her Mates – Grace Goodwin – Sci-Fi & Paranormal Romance
Fifty Shades of Grey – E L James – BDSM
Naked in Death – J D Robb – Detective Fiction
Dark Lover – J R Ward – Vampires
Readerotica – PriveCo Inc – a complication of 50 short stories.
My Secret Garden – Nancy Friday – A compelling book about Women’s Sexual Fantasies.
Thanks for reading 💋